When Little Simz asks this question, she ends up with a very different song to when Antony Szmierek asks this question. On balance, how I got to be where I am right now leans more to Antonyās go to work, then I did something stupid than Simzās trust me, this music ting is my prophecy.
Apparently Louis Tomlinson also has a song with a similar title but I guess no one has ever heard it.
Anyhoo. The sequence of steps to how I got here is lengthily and thusly:
Need vacation, ideally around Eastertime to make best use of Jebus holidays.
Decide to tour the Baltic states, all the way up to the armpit of Finland-Sweden. (They probably donāt call it that).
Suffer through the worst Berlin winter since moving there a decade ago.
Decide Iāve had enough of cold, want warm.
Decide to bring forward the plan to visit Taiwan from 2027 to 2026.
Book flights on Etihad to Taipei via Abu Dhabi because Iām not made of direct-flight-on-two-monthsā-notice money.
Make all sorts of plans! Rent a motorbike! Meet Masto friends! Eat stinky tofu (maybe)!
Watch as a war breaks out in the Middle East.
Curse as the inevitable email arrives to tell me that flight segment Abu Dhabi to Taipei is cancelled.
Fume.
Research alternative ways to Taiwan.
Fume some more.
Go to work, then do something stupid.
Switch plans, book to Thailand via, uh, Dubai š
Masto friends: this is what I meant by rolling the dice š²š²
Make all sorts of plans! Fly to Laos! Rent a motorbike! Ride Vientiane to Pakse via two or three excursion loops!
Watch as a continuing war in the Middle East causes fuel price shocks and shortages across the world, increasing the price of fuel in Laos by 50% in two weeks.
Cogitate.
Ruminate.
Have a complete crisis of confidence and consider bailing on the whole Laos thing.
Have a word with myself.
Rent the damn motorbike and figure stuff out on the way.
So. Thatās how I got here, here being a little guesthouse in a village called Thongnamy (anglicised), somewhere due east of Vientiane.
Laos is a beautiful, landlocked country in Southeast Asia. While by no means an unknown destination, it is relatively less travelled by tourists than its neighbours of Thailand, Vietnam and Cambodia. This is a shame, because it offers some spectacular scenery, warm-hearted ā if, in many cases, brutally poor ā people, and exceptional value-for-money for all kinds of visitors from backpackers to rather more well-heeled folk. Those who choose to come here almost always spend more time than they anticipated, enjoying the relaxed pace of life, myriad activities on offer, and excellent food.
On my travels in February 2025, I actually had no intention of visiting Laos. Partly, I did not know enough ā or in fact, much at all ā about the country. What I did know of ā that it is a hub for sometimes regrettable youth excess ā did not appeal.
Luang Prabang has an international airport almost within the city itself ā only a couple of kilometres to the northeast of the centre. There arenāt many flights per day, and typically only from within Laos and from Thailand and Vietnam. Thereās one connection to Siem Reap and one to Nanchang in China.
Lao Airlines is the state owned flag-carrier. Besides that, Vietnam Airlines, Bangkok Airways and a handful of other airlines serve the city.
By rail
Luang Prabang is one stop on the relatively new high-speed rail line from Vientiane (the capital, near the Thai border) to Boten in China.
Built as a joint venture between China and Laos, the route dramatically cuts journey times across the central and northern parts of the country, stopping in Vang Vieng an hour after departure from Vientiane, and Luang Prabang an hour later.
Note: there is a strict security regime when using the train. Any flammable products (sunscreen sprays included) or ādangerous weaponsā (scissors or pocket knives included) will be confiscated.
By boat
A well-established backpacker route into the country is by boat on the Mekong from the Thai border at Chiang Khlong. It takes a couple of days, with an overnight stay in Pakbeng.
You will find many blogs telling you how to do this, just search āThailand Laos by longboatā.
By road
I left this option until last, for reasons that will become clear later on in this post. Travelling by minibus is (to my mind) the worst way to get around Laos. Still, plenty of options exist to those same larger cities as the train offers, and at least a highway from Vientiane to Vang Vieng now exists to smooth that part of the journey (but motorbikes are not allowed on it).
Getting In
Unless you are a citizen of an ASEAN country, or a select few other countries with visa-free entry, you will need a visa to enter Laos.
Visa-on-arrival is certainly possible at the major airports, road bridges, and the terminal stations on the rail line.
Tip: do yourself a favour and apply online for a Laos e-Visa. It takes three business days, and you wonāt find yourself at the back of a slow-moving queue and needing pristine US dollar bills to get the visa-on-arrival, to then join the back of the immigration queue for the stamp in your passport.
Luang Prabang
Itās a lovely city, genuinely I felt a sense of calm here, helped by the warm sunshine and absolute lack of hawkers, scammers and con-artists found in neighbouring countries.
The city sits against the Mekong river, whilst the Nam Khan river meanders off to the east. Sunsets are wild, I found a prime spot all to myself on the banks of the Mekong, although there are also many bars and boats offering sundowner packages.
The Mekong River in Luang Prabang.
Restaurants, bars, and shops selling legitimate and less-legitimate copies of goods abound.
Tip: the stores on the main street, Sisavangvong Road, have a significant markup on products that you can also find in the covered Dara market off Ratsavong Road. Prices in the market are 40-50% less for the same, uh, brand name goods.
Thereās a decent night market, rather nicer than others Iāve been to, and a separate night food market.
Renting a Motorbike
Letās get down to business. You can of course rent a scooter from any of the many businesses offering them. Personally, I would not want to ride a scooter on the route I took. People do, and the locals of course use them everywhere, but again (and I promise I will explain why), I cannot fathom making this journey on a 110 or 125 Honda.
Instead, I recommend trading up to a trail bike. Mine was a Honda CRF250L, a bike I would trust to get me anywhere. I rented mine from Off-Roading Laos, and while Iām not being paid to write this, I highly recommend this company. Harry, the (British) owner, is personable, always responsive, reliable, funny, and was my near constant companion over WhatsApp.
Riding solo is a very different experience from riding in a group. You have to be prepared for anything and to get yourself out of sticky situations on your own. If thatās not for you, form a group and go together. There are similar companies offering similar bikes, with tour guides and accommodation all thrown in. You pays your money andā¦
Harry gave me a full rundown of the rental contract, was flexible on number of days hire (fortunatelyā¦) and even when we discovered that Iād cracked a bracket on the exhaust on return, didnāt charge me when heād determined that a simple weld job would fix it. And of course, it wasnāt necessary to leave my passport: just a copy of it and my international driving licence.
Tip: get an IDP (of the right treaty date for the country, 1949 for Laos) otherwise you wonāt be covered by any insurance policy.
Choose Your Route
Hereās where my experience gets interesting. The typical loop from Luang Prabang goes clockwise:
I actually recommend doing it anti-clockwise, going to Vang Vieng first. Why? Well letās talk about the elephant in the room.
The Roads
Think of a bad road near you. Maybe it has some potholes that you have to avoid, or the surface has been patched up one too many times. Maybe itās a bit gravelly, or is more of a dirt track.
These are not the conditions you will find in Laos. Outside of the major cities (like, literally as you cross the limit), the roads crumble. Asphalt is missing for vast expanses, length and breadth. Craterous potholes drop the bike suspension from under you. Landslides have ripped away the road surface and replaced it with ground up sandstone, boulders and rubble.
Dirt track road outside Longcheng.
There are not many main roads in northern Laos ā most of them are those on the map above. Therefore, they are used by all traffic, from scooters to AWD pickups to minibuses to ubiquitous Hyundai H-100 light freight to huge hulking 40-tonne articulated trucks.
Winding their way through the mountains on tight curves, these last heavy vehicles have ground away the road surface, to absolutely nothing in many places. Youāve not gone off-road, but these are off-road conditions.
However bad you are thinking it is, itās worse. Northern Laos has the worst roads in ātouristyā Southeast Asia. (Iām told the south is better but I canāt confirm).
From āLaos goodā to āLaos standardā.
And then thereās the dust. Those trucks lumber slowly up and down, usually backing up into threes or fours that you will want to get past somehow. They kick up huge clouds of dust that will clog the bikeās air intakes, your air intakes, coat everything you are wearing, and blind your vision of whatās left of the road.
And then thereās the clouds. Up in the highest sections, youāll be in the cloud. Itās cold, damp, and with 10-metre visibility.
Heading into the clouds at Nan.
And then there are the drivers. Those AWD vehicles are always speeding, badgering you to get out of their way. The Hyundai pickups are the same, only carrying human or animal cargo.
The truck drivers I found to be more accommodating ā when they saw me, they would indicate to let me know it was safe to overtake.
You, on your motorbike, in unfamiliar conditions, are insignificant.
My Advice
Do not travel after dark.
Do not travel in shorts and a vest.
Do not travel without a helmet, gloves and other protective gear.
Do not wander off into the brush or forest; unexploded bombs still regularly kill people.
Do not even think about trying this route in the rainy season.
And with that all said, the reason I recommend the anti-clockwise route is that the last section, Nong Khiaw to Luang Prabang, is the shortest, and has approximately the best surface, and after all the other sections, you will want that sweet half-day to end on.
A Confession
I didnāt actually take the route shown in the map. Between Vang Vieng and Phonsavan, Google actually suggests two options: north-ish on route 7, and south-ish on, well⦠water.
Route 7 is horrible. Trucks. Potholes. Boring.
The other route looks interesting.
What Google fails to tell you, either by looking at the standard view or even in the detailed directions, is that a substantial portion of the first section is through a lake ā Pa Boun to Na Luang. Itās roughly where the blue ā3 hr 10 minā indicator is on the map above.
Only when you switch to satellite view and really zoom in does it become obvious. Google Maps thinks that a road goes through a lake.
A road, according to Google Maps.
Had I known this, I might have stuck to route 7. Instead, I found myself and my bike loaded onto a longboat for a three-hour journey, that goes once a day at āmiddayā (Laos time approximation). It took me two days of solid eight-to-ten hour riding to get to Phonsavan.
My view on the longboat. Twenty bikes and fifty people.
Google Maps Tips
And so, hereās what I have to say about Google Maps in this part of the world.
Donāt trust it for anything.
Suggested travel durations are laughably short. Bank on at least 40% longer, even on the āsensibleā routes.
Use two mapping apps. I used Organic Maps as a backup / confirmation source.
Use the āoffline mapsā features. While for the most part Laos has incredibly good LTE data coverage, itās not universal and when you really need to check your progress, not having data is frightening.
Check both standard and satellite views, and zoom zoom zoom in to see what youāre really getting in to.
It Gets Worse
After the boat ride, an enforced stop in a tiny village (Sana Somboun) next to a massive gold mine was not what I was expecting to make, but since it was 5pm, I had to stop before dark.
Next morning, I set out to complete the section to Phonsavan, taking route 9303. You can tell by the numbering how minor this route is, but still itās traversed (and ruined) by the trucks hauling ore from the gold mine.
The road after a landslide has been cleared.
Just when I thought the road could not get any worse, it disintegrated entirely into 20km of sand, high up in the mountains. It is exhausting riding a bike through sand, physically and mentally. I absolutely do not recommend it.
20 kilometres of sand.
But I had no alternative. And hence I was glad that my rental period from Harry was flexible, because after all that had happened, I needed two extra days ā eight in total, not six ā to complete this loop (including two much-needed rest days).
Hence my advice: route 7 might be terrible, but this was more terrible so donāt try it unless youāre an accomplished off-road dirt bike rider (which I feel a little like I am now).
All that said, thereās still a cracking sunset to be had en-route.
Sunset in Sana Somboun.
Where To Stay
In the bigger towns and cities youāll have plenty of options at all price levels, so Iām obviously only saying where I stayed.
Luang Prabang: Museum Inn and Hotel. Lovely colonial-era frontage, excellent staff and very comfortable. Easy walking distance to the market areas, but then nowhere is very far away in the centre of the city. Good breakfast and great shower.
Vang Vieng: Camellia Hotel. Rather basic but clean. Very average breakfast and bad shower. You could do better but since I basically got there, ate, slept and left it was okay.
Sundown near Vang Vieng.
Phonsavan: Kongkeo Guesthouse. Amazing little bungalow affair, and while the facilities arenāt anything special (and no breakfast available), the owner Mr Kong is an absolute gem of a man, stoking the fire at night (it gets cold here) and telling stories. Highly recommended.
The very-welcome fire pit at Kongkeo Guesthouse. Itās made from two halves of a missile.
Muang Hiam: thereās not much choice here, so the Daonouar Guesthouse was my selection. Itās new, but also nothing special, just okay for an overnight. Terrible breakfast, sub-par shower. The reason for staying here is that across the road is a hot spring which is great to unwind in after a long journey.
Nong Khiaw: Papaya Resort. āResortā is a bit of a stretch but this is a new offering with sixteen bungalows looking out over the Nam Ou river, a beautiful setting offering great sunrise and sunset viewing. Great shower and a heated toilet seat (not sure why). Thereās a restaurant attached for breakfast (not included) and other meals, and while the organisation is a bit chaotic, the food is really good. Itās a little way out of the town but only five minutes ride.
Papaya Resort in Nong Khiaw.
I also stayed at the Phousy Gueshouse near Sana Somboun as an emergency place during my wild two days avoiding route 7. Cheap, no breakfast or any fancy facilities. But needs must.
Fuel and ATMs
For the most part, fuel is not hard to come by. Every medium-sized town will have at least one petrol station. I tended to fill up at about half a tank but never came close to fuel anxiety. Thereās no petrol station in Sana Somboun, but there are places selling (expensive, relatively) fuel by the litre bottle.
Just indicate to fill to the max, and the attendants know what to do.
For cash, again ATMs are not hard to come by in towns. Thereās all kinds of fretting by reviewers about cards being swallowed or cash not delivered. āDonāt use a Visa cardā, āDonāt use a Mastercardā are the contradictory statements. I had no problem whatsoever with my German Visa card or my Wise Visa card.
Above Kham.
Conclusion
This is not a tour for the faint-hearted. Each day is long, hot, dusty and you will ache for days afterwards. Itās not a relaxing experience, especially compared to other tours you may do in Europe or even Thailand or Vietnam.
You will see unsettling amounts of poverty and terrible living conditions. But you will also see grand vistas of nature around every corner. You will constantly be waving at little kids who rarely see a foreigner. You will gain riding experience like no other. You will love it and hate it. You will be changed by it.
And you wonāt forget it.
Those Views
Nong Khiaw. Room with a view, above Kham. On top of the world, above Longcheng. Modern technology, a motorbike, and a mobile phone advertisement. River valley near Huameuang. Approaching Nong Khiaw. Route 1C is notably good here. Orion is in there somewhere. Cultural Hall in Phonsavan.
Nearly forgot to write a post today (oh no, I hear all zero of my readers say).
Iāll be brief anyway, since itās mostly a travelling day. Laos is over (šŖ) and Iām in Thailand (Chiang Mai) for a few days. The flight was a few minutes over one hour, on a tiny turboprop. Second-best thing was being given a little extra legroom by the check-in clerk. First-best thing was the in-flight snack: cake.
Take that, all other airlines with your poxy snack crackers or half a sandwich. Lao Airlines serves cake and you are all on notice to up your game.
Cake. Yes I started eating it Neanderthals-style before realising there was a knife to cut it into civilised slices.
Chiang Mai
Third time here. I really like this city, even though on approach I had some concern that the annual burning season had started early (it is rumoured to have done so in the south of the country). But the haze turned out to be just ānormalā pollution and at ground level itās standard sunshine and heat.
It being a Sunday, the huge Sunday āwalking streetā market is on. Actually this is one of the good ones, the side streets have most of the food offerings, and the main street is a little higher quality fare than usual. Absolutely no sign of knock-off branded products which is a real surprise.
Absolutely no sign of rubbery fish cakes at any food stall which is also a surprise and not a welcome one š”.
Meanwhile, my dusty clothes are at the laundry, along with my dusty Nikes, which will either never come back, come back smaller, come back ruined or (š¤š¼) come back looking like new, for the princely sum of 200THB (ā¬5.60).
My journey back from Nong Khiaw to Luang Prabang was without incident or mistake. Anyone would think Iām getting the hang of follow this road, turn left, follow that road, stop which is great for the last day of biking.
Route 1C west of Nong Khiaw is probably the best quality Iāve experienced in Laos, outside of the main towns and cities. The asphalt-to-pothole ratio is remarkably high. A shame that it only runs for 28km before that turn left onto route 13.
Route 13 is (apparently) then most important road in Laos. It runs almost the entire length of the country north to south. Wherever there are built-up areas, there is road decay. Wherever trucks turn or corner, there is road decay. Itās great when itās good, awful when itās bad.
By the way: I have a whole section of my RAM currently dedicated to just how bad Google Maps is. Iāll save it for now because this is a nice post.
Iād love to tell you that I got some nice pictures on the way, but I didnāt. I took two, in a 30-second pitstop because once youāve passed three trucks in convoy, you donāt want to have them catch up again.
Yeah, OK, itās the Mekong.
Honestly I was so over it and going probably a little too fast in places, but in any case, I made it to LP in just over three hours, in time to get a fresh cut and shave from Mr 50,000kip barber, and deliver the bike back to Harry. We had a nice chat, him again offering praise and some astonishment at my choice of route. But heās right: it would be rubbish to have nothing to say about a journey.
Sunsets
On a slight whim, I power-walked down to the river bank to catch the sunset. Itās always slightly surprising how fast the sun sets, and I thought I might miss it. I found a wall to sit on, far from the shoreline but then I spotted some steps leading down to the edge of the river.
And there I crouched as the sun descended from behind some clouds, dipping then behind the treeline on the opposite bank. It was all extremely lovely, and I think a beautiful end to my (letās not forget) spontaneous leap into Laos.
Boats on the Mekong at sunset. Sunlight reflecting off clouds. Sun almost receded beyond the treeline. A tourist boat returning to harbour.
Whoādathunkit? I can actually navigate from place A to place B without getting lost, needing a boat or taking a 50km wrong turn.
On time into Nong Khiaw, a small town on the banks of the Nam Ou, and a magnet for backpackers, scooter-routers and loop-doers.
Thereās a reason everyone wants to stop here and itās this:
View north from the bridge over the Ou River. View south.
The terrain here is beautiful but uncompromising. The road from Muang Kiam is one of the worst of those Iāve been on. Back up into the mountains, and there have been frequent rockfalls and landslides. When they happen, the debris is simply pushed over the side of the cliff, and whatās left behind is pulverised by lorries into all-penetrating dust. Stretches of continuous asphalt are few and far between across the mountain passes.
Again, as I was riding I was struggling to comprehend the lives and lifestyles of the villagers who live right up against the road, every day as trucks, minibuses and pickups rumble past. The efforts that they make spraying water to keep the dust down seem Sisyphean. I can complain all I like about it as a once-through-and-done tourist. Living it every day seems like hell.
So I take these views as I see them: staggering natural beauty coupled with grinding poverty. An uncomfortable mix.
Terrible segue
Whatās not uncomfortable is my accommodation for the next two nights (my ass will thank me). A little way out of the town is a new āresortā (doing a lot of heavy lifting) comprising about 15 wooden bungalows looking out over the river.
Whoever designed and built them definitely considered the wow factor.
Bedroom area, taken from the entrance. Panorama view from the terraced balcony.
Thereās a hot shower, a heated toilet seat, and a view to soothe the weariest rider.
In theory, todayās ride should have been a nice six-ish hours from Phonsavan to Muang Hiam. Take route 7 out of town, switch to route 1C, donāt miss the turning where route 1C goes left, turn right, done.
You can probably spot where things went awry. In some respects, itās testament to how āgoodā route 1C is in comparison to every other road in Laos, that I was making such good progress. āI canāt have come as far as the turn yet, itās only been three hours.ā
Of course I missed the turn and didnāt notice. My only observation was that the road conditions became somewhat worse, but I put that down to the increased number of lorries dragging themselves up and down the mountains.
Only when I stopped for petrol did I check navigation and wonder why my ETA was two hours later than at the outset. Yes. A 25km wrong direction slog meant another 25km in reverse.
An aside
You may be thinking āwell duh, this is what satnav is for.ā Of course Iām using a navigation app (damn you GMaps). But my phone isnāt mounted to the bike, it would be vibrated to hell and probably down the side of a cliff in minutes.
So I have only GMaps mirroring navigation to the Apple Watch app which is (shocker) absolutely shite. It takes five minutes to detect that the phone is navigating. It then requires two taps to show directions (sure, I love to stop just to tap my wrist). The navigation display is useless for two-wheel use, with tiny text for ādistance to next turnā and āETAā. And the use of the wrist tap to indicate which direction to turn is lost in the general vibration of riding a motorbike.
So yeah. I missed the turn, and when I realised I got angry, and riding a motorbike when angry is not A Good Combination. Either I had to stop riding, or stop being angry with myself, and only one of those was a real option.
Back I went. The turn was so fucking obvious, but also obviously too soon. The remainder of the ride was acceptable to challenging but nothing too bad, in Lao terms.
Hot springs
One of the reasons I got annoyed was that Iād hoped to be in this one-horse town early enough that I could go for a long soak in the hot springs just up the road. As it was, I arrived 2h30 later than planned and assumed the springs would be closing at dusk.
Good news: they close at 8pm, so my weary ass and shoulders got some relaxation time.
As Iād pulled into where I intended to stay Iād noticed three other bikes similar to mine. This is a popular stopping-off point on this loop so no great surprise, and also no great surprise that their riders were already in one of the pools, since the springs are only two minutes away.
I got talking, two Aussies (brothers as it turns out) and their riding guide. Ended up having Lao hotpot with them all in a local place before coming back to settle in.
Lesson learned
Again: be fucking kind to yourself, you idiot. You messed up. It happens. Everything turned out okay.
And while I didnāt stop many times, there were, of course, some spectacular views.
Tomorrow
The route to Nong Khiaw has one turn. I shall be sure to make it. And it shouldnāt be a long journey, if the Aussies are to be believed, as they came from there today.
Contrary to yesterdayās post, this one will be brief.
Breakfast: a scrambled egg and bacon crepe. Unlikely to repeat that experience.
Culture: the Phonsavan Museum (Xieng Khouang Provincial Museum). Closed, despite the sign on the wall outside indicating opening hours of 0900ā1600 Tuesday to Sunday.
Instead, took another photo of a statue, I assume also the first Lao president (see a previous post).
President Souphanouvong, but shot into the sun so you can barely make out his features.
Almost too tired to write this, so Iāll keep it brief. Today was hard, physically and mentally challenging to keep a bike upright and focus on the āroadā ahead.
The route from Anouvong starts off badly, with the trucks from the open-cast mines in the area tearing up the road north out of the village.
The Ugly
But I became accustomed to it, able to negotiate the dips and lurches, the scrabbling tyres over rocks. In places, there are hints of what the road surface once was, and I began to look forward to them.
There is no other option, for me or the trucks, or the people who live here. This is their daily life, spending hours at a time going tens of kilometres. My trip was 115km, and Google-Who-Must-Not-Be-Trusted says it takes about 4h30m. In fact it was more like 7h.
I spent two hours negotiating my way across 15km of sand, rubble, gashes in the landscape. The only thing that stopped me giving up was that I couldnāt. Nobody is around to come to the rescue. Gotta keep keeping on.
Iām not an off-road biker, but this terrain is basically off-road, and I owe a lot to the bike for getting me through it. It handles these conditions well, even when I could not. Thanks, little Honda CRF250L.
Doing so well, despite being caked in dust.
The Beautiful
Still, the country of Laos still served up a delightful variety of vistas. Today was actually sunny from the offset, and that helps to lift the gloom of the dust (the dust, oh my word the dust. Some of the poorest people living by the roadside are drenched in it repeatedly as trucks, 4x4s and, to be fair, bikes, rattle past their doors).
Despite my needing to heavily focus on the road surface, and despite the ravages being inflicted by strip-mining, there are epic, wondrous moments when the brush drops away and Iām almost at the apex of the mountain andā¦
Mountains for days.
I took a lot of photos at this point. But I also stopped to just drink it in. Who else has been here? This took effort to get to.
It also took effort to get away from, but again I donāt have pictures of the worst of it. So hereās some others from the day.
Bully for me. AnouvongCow and bike. Moon-landing hairpin. That view, again. Before the nightmare section.Thanks, I did not. Finally off the mountains.
Is it worth it?
None of this would have happened if Iād taken the obvious route from Vang Vieng to Phonsavan. It would still have been hard; the roads here are not pretty for anyone. But I certainly made an interesting choice.
Harry, who I rented the bike from, messaged me:
I did see you in the tracker heading towards Phonesavan from Vang Vieng via Long Chen.
That’s a hell of a route š
But you’re a brave dude for taking that route. I’ve not been there for a year but last time I went it was pretty clenching so to speak!